I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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