good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
