There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
