The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
