I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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