i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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