im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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