The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
