Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
