Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
