everyone is single if you try hard enough
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
