All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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