The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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