I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
