U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
