Your face is a jimmy john
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize