did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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