its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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