too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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