i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
