fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
