um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
