I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
