I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
