I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
