i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
