i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
