can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
