do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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