apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
