I swear she didn't look like that last week.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
