If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
