this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
