come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
