Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh god it's open bar.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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