Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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