tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Pooping to opera.
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