"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you never un-have a 4some
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
