3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
