I accidentally burped into my bong.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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