I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
that may or may not have been my penis.
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