You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
