yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
