i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
