The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
