He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
