six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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