im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
