I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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