I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
